Who Says I Need a Makeover?

By Glenn Petry

How to begin to reveal one's inner struggle without totally turning off readers before some of them can perhaps see themselves mirrored in some aspects of my story... with the result, perhaps, that they and I can collaborate to help each other find the best suited path (of probably many) out of the darkness. Joseph Conrad wrote a memorable novel entitled "The Heart of Darkness, " which I read when I was in high school. It affected me deeply then, and then many years later when Apocalypse Now appeared as a searing movie about the Viet Nam War, using the same basic theme of human hubris as appeared in The Heart of Darkness, I knew that this theme resonated with something very disturbing in myself.

To convolute my story even more, in addition to the pitfalls of human hubris, I was cursed with an almost non existent level of self acceptance and acceptance of what I perceived as the negative aspects of "reality,".......whatever reality is. This nearly lethal (on several occasions almost literally lethal) combination left me one lost soul in a very confusing universe.

I came to view the world as a very dangerous and negative place, almost totally disregarding the beautiful and majestic aspects of the very same world. I could not or would not accept the idea that the world of existence is really two sides of the same coin...........there are negative and pessimistic aspects AND there are positive and optimistic aspects. This flaw in my perception of reality has caused me and, unfortunately, many around me a tremendous amount of unnecessary suffering.

I don't feel comfortable with all aspects of Buddhist philosophy. But what does resonate with me are the basic concepts of annata ( the fact of constant change in every aspect of life), the root causes of dukkha (the discontent or to use a Western phrase, "existential angst" of human life) being the desperate grasping after pleasant aspects of life, ignoring much of the "mundane" aspects of life, and the active, desperate aversion and avoidance of the painful and disappointing aspects of life.

Acceptance, another concept, which has puzzled and perplexed me seems to be a huge piece of the puzzle for improving my life. It has taken me a lifetime to begin to understand what acceptance is and what it is not.

I have NOT figured it all out yet, nor will I ever. But, what I have learned over a lifetime of trying to understand what ultimately can never be totally understood are that there are several essential pieces of the puzzle of life for me (and probably at least some others) to live a reasonably happy, productive life. A brief but eloquent statement of some of these essential pieces is in the so called Serenity Prayer: "Grant me acceptance of the things I can't change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

And I must add that in applying these admonitions from the Serenity Prayer, I believe that a pragmatic optimism must replace the pessimism, cynicism, and sarcasm of my former modus operandi. I believe a new Phoenix can indeed rise from these old ashes.

JOB, JOBS, EMPLOYMENT

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